The Straw

It has been a rough couple of months here for us.  Between drivers quiting, major mechanical breakdowns, lack of work, and legal issues, we have had about as much as we can take financially and emotionally.  I have held up pretty well through all of it, believing that things will get better even if I can't see it at the moment...until tonight.  Tonight was nearly the straw that broke the camel's back.
Joe is trying to replace a motor in one of our trucks and had been back at the shop working on it all day today.  It is unusually cold here right now, in the twenties with a crazy wind that will knock your feet right out from under you.  In order to stay warm at the shop, Joe has a primitive but effective homemade wood burner that he uses.  I had just warned him this morning to be very careful with the fire, since we do not have luck with that and also because we are under a red flag warning for our county due to dry conditions and the crazy wind.  When Joe finally knocked off this evening and came into the house he said that he would not have been able to work back there if he had not had the fire going, but not to worry because he had put plenty of water all around the fire to make sure that it did not get out.
About 2:00 this morning, Joe woke me in a panic.  He said for me to get up and look back at the shop and tell him if he was seeing things or if our shop was on fire.  I ran to the window and saw a flickering glow all over the area where our shop is.  I immediately felt sick to my stomach and thought that for the first time in my life I was going to faint.  Joe was standing there in shock and asked me again to tell him that he was not seeing what he thought he was seeing.  The only thing I could say was "hurry, hurry, hurry".  He threw on his overalls and ran out the door.  He had walked home from the shop that evening, so he used my van to get back there quickly.  I checked on all the kids and then grabbed my jeans and tennis shoes (Yes, I remembered to put shoes on this time!) to run back there and help him.  As I was walking out the door, I thought about calling 911.  I could not stop the panic and tears as I ran back inside to grab my cell phone.  I turned it on and was dialing 911 when I saw Joe headed back up to the house in my van.  My first thought was that it was no use, that it was so bad he had not even tried to put it out.  Everything was a total loss.  I ran out to the van and Joe was smiling....yes, SMILING!  Turns out Joe had left the lights on at the shop and the wind was blowing so hard that it was literally shaking the entire shop and therefore giving the effect of flickering firelight.
And I thought that children took years off of your life...turns out that it is husbands that do the most damage!!! 
It has been nearly an hour, and I still can't sleep.  I keep thinking back to that moment when I truly thought all was lost.  At that moment I could not see a way out.  I could not see how it would get better.  I could not see a silver lining.  I certainly could not see myself laughing about it in the next five minutes.  Now looking back, I can.  I gained a few a lot of grey hairs tonight, but I also refreshed my perspective on things. 
Tonight reminded me that things are not always as bad as we think they are, and if we give them time to work themselves out, instead of working ourselves into a panic, they usually will.  So that is what I vow to do...give things time to work themselves out...stop panicking...and remember that one day I will be able to look back on this time and laugh...or at least smile!