Sometimes being a Mom is hard.....harder than I ever imagined it would be. It is tiring, dirty, thankless, and never ending. It is also at the same time invigorating, beautiful, priceless, and it passes too fast.
On those days when I am "in the trenches" I tend to forget those good things and only seem to be able to focus on the hard parts. It isn't just the kids that causes me to lose focus, there have been financial issues, work conflicts, and just life in general weighing down on me.
Since I love being a Mom and know that is my number one priority in life, when I get bogged down focusing on the not so pretty parts of my job I become very hard on myself. It is so easy to slip into that self doubt and the lie that you aren't good enough.
For example, I get advice all the time. Sometimes it is from other moms who are in the trenches just like me. Sometimes it is from mom's who were in the trenches many years ago. Sometimes it is from people who have as much experience with parenting as I have with sewing. I never mind the advice and usually welcome it.....except when I am in this cycle of beating up on myself.
When they say: What worked for me is....
What I hear is: You are doing it wrong.
When they say: Have you tried......
What I hear is: You are doing it wrong.
When they say: You should do.....
What I hear is: You are doing it wrong.
Now I know that what I hear is not what they are saying, and this isn't an attack on the well intentioned advice givers. This is an honest observance of what I hear.
Do I want the advice givers to stop? For the most part, No. I recognize the wisdom of learning from those that have been there and done that.
What I want is to silence that part of my brain that tells me I am a failure. I want to be confident enough in the love and care that I have for my children to know that God gave them to ME because I am the best person for that job.
I am doing my best to remind myself of this every day. I was chosen for this job for a reason. I have what it takes to raise these boys.
In the meantime, If I bristle at your advice or have to remove myself from it, please try and remember what it was like when you were in the trenches. When the days seem to last forever and there was never enough sleep and you second guessed every decision you made. And if you can't remember those days please show some grace to the ones who are living it now.
Reading back over this it sounds like I am miserable. That is not the case. I love my life here with my husband and my kids. Just because I love it though does not mean that it is easy. Nothing worthwhile ever is. This job is hard.....but it is so worth every minute.
Someday these "in the trenches" days will be a distant memory. I want it to be a good memory, one of knowing it was hard and still pressing on doing my best and loving my kids.
