Bedtime

So it is that time of night. Everyone is finally asleep and I get to sit back and have 17 seconds of total "me" time before exhaustion kicks in and I pass out.   Or so I think.  Then I hear......Mommy.....

Mommy?

Yes Micah,  what do you need?

I need a tissue.

I will be right there.

Now let me say this was not the first "Mommy" I had heard tonight.  First he needed to get up to change underwear.  The ones he had on were too baggy.  Then he needed to get a drink.  Then he needed the magic spider spray (a water bottle filled with scented water) because it had been three days since he last sprayed and it might wear off in the middle of the night.   Then his pillow was missing.  Then he forgot to give me a hug.  Then he needed to change underwear because these were too tight.  Then he had a question about electricity and breaker boxes.  Yes.  This was all in the course of bedtime tonight.

I let off a sigh of frustration as I made my way through the mine field of Legos,  army men, and truck parts.  When I got to his bed with his tissue, he looked up at me and with complete sincerity said....

I am sorry I keep making you madder and madder.

His words took my breath away.  How could I possibly let this sweet child go to sleep thinking that the person who loved him most in this world was mad because he needed a tissue?  I gave him a hug and told him I was not mad and we cuddled until he fell asleep.

Now I am left up thinking about my attitude with my children.  I am with them all day every day.  At the end of the day I am certainly tired.    However,  no longer will I view bedtime as the five o clock whistle in a factory.  I don't ever want one of my children to think that I am eager to be done with them for the day or that I am mad that I have had to work overtime.  

It seems never ending now, but in just a few short years I will not hear that cry of Mommy in the night.  And I know beyond a doubt I will miss it.  Sometimes it takes the words of a five year old to put things into perspective.   "Me time" will come later.  They do eventually sleep...just maybe not all of them at once!

Today

Today
I should have gotten up before dawn;
but instead I slept in.

Today
I should have grabbed my pillow while Joe grabbed the packed bag;
but instead I packed the snacks and he picked up ice.

Today
I should have chattered anxiously all the way to the hospital;
but instead I chattered casually with my Mom as we walked to the beach.

Today
I should have been listening to the sounds of medical monitors;
but instead I listened to the waves crash into the shore.

Today
I should have been laying on an operating table in a sterile room;
but instead I was laying on a beach mat dusted with sand.

Today
I should have been teasing my husband about passing out on me;
but instead I thanked my husband for being my rock the past months.

Today
I should have held and kissed my number five for the first time;
but instead I held and kissed my other four for the millionth time.

Today
My heart should have been overflowing with love and joy;
......and it was.

I will forever grieve and miss the baby that I did not get a chance to hold;
but I will forever be grateful for the perspective that he brought into my life.

For as long as that ache of losing our baby is there;
so is the reminder that tomorrow is not promised. 

No matter what today should have been;
make it a day to love your family and friends.

Bath Time

My boys hate bath time.  They love play in the tub time, but that scrub behind your ears and wash your hair time is something I have to practically force them to do.  They are masters at avoiding it too.  This is a conversation that took place at Micah's last bath time. 

Micah come on it is time for your bath.

(He reaches over and touches the water like it is poison)

I'm not getting in. 

Why not?

The water is too hot.

No it is not, now come on.  I don't have all day.

It is so too hot.  It will burn my pee-pee off.

No it will not.

You try it first and see if it burns your pee-pee off.

I am not getting in the tub and I don't have a pee-pee.

(Let me just say here that I know that was a rookie mistake, but I wasn't thinking...I just wanted the kid to take a bath!)

You don't have a pee-pee?

No, now get in the tub.

Did the hot water already burn yours off?

NO!  I never had a pee-pee.

Why not?

Because I am a girl.

So?

Girls don't have pee-pees only boys.

You are joking.

No I am not.

But Daddy has a pee-pee.

Yes, Daddy is a boy.

No only me and my brothers are boys.  Daddy is an adult.

But he used to be a boy so he still has his pee-pee.

And when you turned into a girl yours fell off?

NO!  I never had one.  I was always a girl.

I think I need to talk to Daddy about this.

I think that is a good idea.

(Micah leaves to go talk with Joe and comes back just a few minutes later.)

But Momma why do boys have pee-pees and girls do not?

Because God made us that way.

Are you sure?

Yes.  What did Daddy say?

He said the same thing.

Then why did you ask me?

Because I thought he was lying.

Your Daddy doesn't lie to you.

Well it just doesn't SOUND true.

Well it sounds like to me it is time for your bath.

Do ghosts have pee-pees?

(Talk about being thrown for a loop.  I had no idea where that came from!)

Ummmm.....well I guess it depends on if it is a girl or a boy.

A girl one.

No, A girl ghost would not have a pee-pee.

Not a ghost, goats...like Twinkle and Christal.

Oh, no.  We have girls goats so they do not have pee-pees.

You told me ghosts weren't real.

They aren't.

So boy ghosts have imaginary pee-pees?

I suppose so.  Now, please get in the tub.

(Micah leans over again and touches the water like it will kill him)

I can't.

Why not?

The water is too cold now.

 

Yes that is seriously what it is like to begin to scrub these boys clean! 

Lists

I am a list maker.  Nothing satisfies me more than starting the day by making a list (or sometimes I even do it the night before) and then using my pink highlighter to mark a line through each item cleaned, or packed, or cooked, or ordered, or mailed, or taught, or bought.....yes, I make that many lists!

Somewhere along the way though I have started keeping mental lists as well.  I realized today that I have been keeping an ongoing list in my head of the things that have gone wrong this week.  And it was getting to be quite a lengthy list!  A child having an allergic reaction, a wiring problem in my house, a busted cell phone, two MAJOR mechanical problems with two separate trucks, a truck driver wrecking into a huge tree....seriously I could keep going. 

However it dawned on me that while I am compiling this list of things that went wrong, I haven't once listed the things that went right.  I and my family woke up EVERY morning, I didn't fall down when I got out of bed, water came out of my faucet when I washed my face, I saw my reflection when I looked in the mirror, there was food in my pantry when I went to cook breakfast, my to do list was right where I had put it...once again, I could keep going. 

My list of what has gone right greatly outweighs the list of what has gone wrong.  So why do I do that?  Why do I focus on what has been wrong instead of right?  It is because I take things going right for granted .....and maybe having them go wrong every once in a while teaches me to not do that. 

1 Thessalonians 5:18   in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.