Happy Birthday Granny Faye

Today was Granny Faye's Birthday.

Flowers were some of her favorite things.

 We spent part of our day planting some in her memory.

 The little boys thought playing in the water and dirt was so much fun.

 As the day went on Noah said, "I think Granny would like these."

I know she would have liked them, and I know she would have liked being here to plant with us...and today more than ever, I would have liked that too.

The Taste Of Love

My Aunt Elaine makes the best chicken pot pie ever.  She has given me her recipe and I have attempted it several times.  Each time gets better than the last, but I still can't quite get it as good as hers.  I made it tonight and I must say that it was exceptionally good.  As we were sitting at the table, Jonah asked for seconds.  When I put some on his plate he asked what I had put in the pie.  I started listing off the ingredients (chicken, corn, potatoes, peas, carrots...) when he interrupted me; "But what is it that makes it taste so good?"
I smiled and winked and said, "Well that is all the love I put in!"  Jonah then picked up a large peice of the crust and said, "See this yummy part Daddy?  That is called the love!" 
I thought Joe was going to fall out of his chair laughing and I suddenly could not see past the tears that filled my eyes.  If any of you knew my Grandmother, you know why this affected me so.   Granny Faye's favorite part of anything was the crust.  You could always tell when Granny had been into any pie because the crust would be missing all the way around.  She would claim that it just fell off, but we all knew what really happened.  It is strange that simple things like pie crust can make me miss my grandmother the most.
Tonight I am thankful for family recipes, laughter, and sweet memories.  However, I am most thankful for the four little boys who constantly bring those sweet memories to life while creating new ones of their own.  I never look at pie crust without thinking of Granny Faye, and now I will not be able to look at it without thinking of her as well as Jonah's definition of love.

Thank You

Those two words do not even seem adequate for the support that we as a family have received over the past week.  The amount of phone calls, e-mails, cards, visits, food, and flowers were overwhelming.

Just take a look at all of those flowers!  And that does not even count all of the many house plants that were received.  Granny Faye was truly loved by all that knew her, and she loved each of you in return.

The most important thing that our family has received this past week have been your prayers.  I can only speak for myself, but I know that I would have never made it through some of those tough moments had it not been for the prayers of loving Christians.  Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart!

The Process

I know that grief is a process.  I know there are different stages and that we all experience them differently.  My head knows all that junk, but my heart still hurts. 

The hurt is changing though.  Not sure if it is any better or worse, just changing.  Wednesday it was all just too much.  It was too real.  I could not get the image of her taking those last breaths out of my head.  The fact that she was talking one minute and then gone the next kept playing in my mind over and over.  I was in no mood for company Wednesday.  I actually came home, parked behind the house, locked the doors and unplugged the phone.  I spent the afternoon loving on my babies and drawing comfort from them.

Thursday was the opposite.  Just as the day before had been too real, Thursday felt surreal.  I went through the motions of viewing her body for the first time, helping with funeral arrangements, and picking out flowers all while on autopilot.  It was busywork, and while there were still moments when my emotions overtook, for the most part they were on the backburner.

Friday morning was about the boys.  I took them early to view Granny's body in private.  They had questions and I answered them the best I could.  Noah understands completely and Jonah understands as well, he just keeps asking questions. Little Micah has no idea what has happened.  I just pray that somewhere in that smart mind of his he has buried memories of Granny for future years.  Friday evening was the visitation.  Nearly 300 people showed up to pay their respects.  It was wonderful to see how loved Granny was and how many lives she had touched.

Today was our final goodbye.  The church was full and the ceremony was beautiful.  She would have loved every minute of it.  I know she is rejoicing. After the ceremony and lunch we all came back to the house and took a LONG nap.  Grief is an exhausting thing.  My heart aches that she is gone, but I am happy for her.  I know she is rejoicing.

I ask myself now if I had the option to bring her back, what would I do?  I know the answer should be an easy no, but I am just not there yet.  I feel so guilty, but the truth is that I would bring her back in a heartbeat.  I still need her and I feel as if I will forever miss her.

Grief

I can't sleep.  I keep thinking about Granny and how much I miss her.  I am thinking about my brother and his wife half a world away and how much I just want to give them a hug...how much she would want to give them a hug.  I wonder how I will ever make it without her.  I hate that my boys are missing her and that Noah climbed into her bed tonight and cried himself to sleep.  I never imagined it would be this hard, yet at the same time I would not change one minute over the past few months.  I am so glad that we were able to take care of Granny and that the boys got to experience her in a way that most children never get to experience their Great-Grandparents.  I pray that they always keep memories of waking up in the middle of the night and sneaking into Granny's bed for a snuggle.  I am grieving that our newest babe will never know that privilege.
My Granny was an interesting, one of a kind, sassy, lady.  You never had to wonder what she thought of you because there was absolutely no filter between her brain and her mouth.  It sounds harsh, but it was actually refreshing and I think she had so many friends because of that.  She put me in my place many times, and I can't help but wonder who will do that now.  Watching her go today was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done.  I wanted so badly to call a time out and just make time stand still.  I wasn't ready.  I don't think I would have ever been ready.  But today was not about me being ready it was about her...and I know that she was ready.  She is rejoicing now, but I am still grieving.  I miss her.  I selfishly want her back.  I still need her.
Oh what a joy it would have been tonight for her to call me to change the channel for her so she could watch her Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy.  We would have talked about Vanna's dress and she would have fussed at me for using Mrs. Dash in her food.  She would have loved on the kids and loaded them up with chocolate candy that she was not even supposed to have.  As much as I would like that, I know that she would not come back even if she could and it is insanely selfish of me to even want her to.
I can't help it.  I miss her.  I can't stop crying.  It feels like a part of my chest is missing.  I really did not know that it would be this hard.  Aside from my mother and my husband, I don't think that anyone on this earth knew me better than my Granny.  And now that person is gone.  I'm sure over the next few days things will get easier, but right now I am the selfish person that wants to bring her back.

Granny Faye

Granny Faye has had a rough few months.  During the period from Thanksgiving to Christmas, I think she had eight hospital stays.  After the New Year, she finally got out of the hospital and stayed down at the beach with Aunt Jeanine for a few weeks.  Anyone who knows Granny understands how much she dislikes the beach, but she knew that she needed to be with someone since she was not able to completely take care of herself anymore.  As much as she understood that she needed help, she still wanted to come home.  Sooooo, Wednesday afternoon Granny got to come home...sort of. 
Granny is splitting her time here with us and her own home.  She comes here every evening and has supper here, watches the kids play for a while and spends the night in the room we have set up for her.  She gets up in the morning, has her cup of coffee and goes home to her house about mid-morning.  She is at her house for most of the day, having friends over or going out for lunch and then she returns here about five that evening to repeat the process over again. She is enjoying her freedom while at the same time still being taken care of and having a sense of security at night.
So far it has been going well.  It is definitely a bit more difficult than I imagined it to be, (mainly the cooking without salt and meeting her dietary needs) but we are all adjusting well.  The kids are loving the fact that she is here and I love the fact that my kids get to enjoy their Great-Grandmother.  She certainly keeps things interesting!
I am grateful for this time that we get to have with her.  I am also more than grateful for a husband who has accepted my grandmother as part of his life and loves her just as much as we do.  Joe has supported Granny being here from the very first time it was mentioned and indulges her crazy whims just as much as he does mine.  I am praying that we can continue to care for Granny while still allowing her the freedom to enjoy her life on her own for a long time.

After Three

Today Granny Faye was helping Jonah with his numbers...

Granny: One
Jonah: Two
Granny: Three
Jonah: Ummmmmm...
Granny: What comes after three?
Jonah: (In his best Joe impression) Boy, don't make me have to get up and come over there!

If laughter is the best medicine, then we have the cure for what ails you!

Busy Birthday Harvest Sunday

We ended Jonah's birthday party by getting ready for the annual Church Harvest Fun Day. This included face paint and costumes. Linda was in charge of face paining and Granny Faye was her first client...

Makayla got her face painted like a snow tiger.

After Linda was done, I painted Granny's hair green.

She added Aunt Rita's black hat.

And here you have the finished look...1st place in the adult category!

(We still aren't sure what she actually was)

Noah, Jonah, and Micah were the three blind mice. Joe was the farmer and I was the farmer's wife. Too bad the contest was in the middle of Jonah's nap time. We did however win first place in the group costume contest.

One sleepy blind mouse.

Linda did a great job on Noah's face.

There was lots to do at the Harvest Fun Day. Everyone enjoyed face painting, bingo, two jumping castles, basketball, frying pan toss, baseball games, balloon darts, fishing with Jesus, apple bobbing, hair painting, coins in the hay, costume contests, cake walks, pumpkin carving, hot dogs, tricycle races, trunk-or-treating, and even a hay ride. It was a little chilly, so I stayed with Micah and Jonah while Joe went with Noah on the hay ride. In Noah's words...that was the bestest time EVER!

This is Mr. Jim Brown, Pa, and "Uncle" Jerry.

(They aren't wearing costumes)

Mr. Jim Brown, (in the picture above) is our new pastor. I say new not because he just filled the position, but because after many months of prayer and discussion, Joe and I have moved our membership to Rice Patch Christian Church. We have been attending and serving there for years, but finally made it official on Sunday. This is a decision that we both felt was needed and it was a blessing for us to see both sets of my parents take the time to join our congregation to watch us take that step.

Future Politician

I am afraid we have a future politician on our hands.
Last week while visiting schools, a principal asked Noah if he liked to read books. To which he responded, "Oh yeah, you better bet I do." When she proceeded to ask him which book was his favorite, he said (without skipping a beat) "All books are my favorite!"
Today when we returned home from lunch with Granny, he asked if I would make the same potatoes for supper that I made for lunch. I asked which he liked better, Granny's macaroni or my scalloped potatoes. His answer? "I think you both did a great job."
Yes, I am afraid we do have a future politician on our hands.

Granny Faye

LAST UPDATE

Granny has keft the hospital and has been staying with my Aunt Jeanine at the beach. She should be heading home Thursday, August 7th.

****UPDATE****

Granny has been moved to a room and is getting better. Hopefully she will be out of the hospital by the end of the week. Thanks for all of your prayers.

*******************

As most of you already know, my grandmother had a heart attack while the boys and I were with her yesterday. Right now she is in the intensive care unit at Trident Hospital for observation. She has some damage to her heart and they are going to closely monitor her. Please be in prayer that the doctors and family will have wisdom in deciding what course of action is best. I just talked to Dad and he was in the room visiting with her. Dad said they may move her out of ICU and into the cardiac unit sometime this weekend. She seems to be in good spirits but is mad that they will not let her get out of bed. The nurses have relented and said she could have a cell phone. I'm not sure if that was for her benefit or for theirs! They probably just want to give her someone else to talk to so that she will not keep asking them questions about themselves trying to figure out if they are somehow related to her!