:(

My baby is growing up and it is so bittersweet. I have been trying to write this post for a long time now, but it has just been too hard. I know that Micah is thriving and for that I am grateful, but the thought of no longer having a baby in the house is a little sad for me. He is turning one Saturday and that means time to wean. He is doing great with the weaning. I on the other hand am having a difficult time. Not only is it physically painful and an inconvenience, it is also wreaking havoc on my emotions. I am going into this knowing that this very well may be the last baby that I ever nurse. It is possible that I will never again know that feeling that I am providing every need for a baby.
Don't get me wrong, by no means am I saying that our family is complete. I have been very vocal about the fact that I would like another baby. Joe on the other hand is not quite there yet. I don't think that a baby is really something that one spouse should deliberately surprise the other spouse with. Joe has perfectly valid reasons why we should not have another baby right now and I can't say that I disagree with any of them. However, as much as I may agree with his reasoning, that does not change my desire.
We have decided to wait for a year and then discuss having another baby. I know full well that he may still feel the same way in a year and after one year I may have changed my mind. I think that is why I am having such a hard time with Micah turning one. I have been in "baby mode" for so long now that I don't really know what it is going to be like to not have a baby in the house.
I will enjoy longer periods of sleep, but boy will I miss those middle of the night feeding and cuddling sessions. I am going to enjoy watching Micah take his first step, but I know that I will miss the sound of him crawling through the house at top speed. My baby is growing up and it is so bittersweet.