I Hate To Alarm You, But...

There are some conversation starters that really make you want to run for the hills.  My husband is the master at them.  He usually says things like "Well, do you want the good news first or the bad news first?"
With words like that I'll take no news!
Today was even worse than usual.  Joe got home a few minutes before I came in with the boys.  As I struggled into the house (out of the pouring rain) carrying two children and a bag, he greeted me by saying, "I hate to alarm you...but I need you to look in the red bag outside the back door."   I glanced out the door and saw my onion bag sitting on the back steps.  Before I could ask why my onion bag was outside, it moved!
Joe's next words were, "Now don't get upset."

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, DON'T GET UPSET????

I'm telling you, he really is not good at breaking bad news.  Turns out there was a three foot long SNAKE in the bag.  Unfortunately that was not the part that Joe hated to alarm me about.  The alarming part was that he had caught the snake IN MY BATHROOM!!!  Seriously? 

Now that I think about it, I guess there is not really a good way to break the news to your wife that you just caught a snake in her bathroom....