I don't post on here a lot about Jonah's health issues. Sure I give updates (as I do with all of the children) but the everyday struggles are something that I have purposely not blogged about. It is not that I am trying to ignore the issues, it is more that I do not want Jonah to be defined by them. I want people to know Jonah for the loving, adventurous, helping little fellow that he is, not for the problems that he has no control over.
When people see us out and about, I am sure that they think very poorly of me as a mother.
They see me calmly watching my child who is frantically digging at his skin until he bleeds. What they do not know is that I have tried everything under the sun (with the exception of the wonder drug my MIL found on the Internet that "even cures cancer" and is made who knows where from who knows what) to try and stop his itch to no avail. When it gets to that point you have to do what you have to do to get relief and if that means scratching, then by all means...please do!
They see me punish him for whiny behaviour when I know that he is not feeling well and has stomach cramps from the diarrhea. What they do not know is that I have taken him to more specialists than I can count and subjected him to multitudes of tests that have led us to believe that this is as good as it gets and he is going to have to learn to live with it. As harsh as it may sound, he has to learn to live with this and I refuse to teach him that it is okay to be rude and disrespectful to others when he feels bad because unfortunately he is going to continue to have bad days and he will have to learn to function through them.
I really could not care less what people think of me. And if I am honest I will have to say that I am not concerned about what people think of Jonah either. I have learned that I can not control what others think or do. What I can control is how I view Jonah and the picture of him that I present to the world.
When I look at Jonah, I see determination, joy, and excitement. I see energy just bursting at the seams. I see spunkiness and a "can do" attitude. I see eagerness and fearlessness. I see a helping spirit. Most of all, when I look at Jonah, I see the little thief who has stolen my heart.
I pray that as he matures, he sees those same things in himself and that he is never defined by anything except for who he truly is.
2 comments:
I think you are doing an AWESOME job with Jonah! He doesn't know he is any different, physically, than anyone else and I think that is what he needs. He is one of the best little boys in the world and we love him for everything he is!!!
You and Joe are doing a great job with the boys, they are each such wonderful individuals. Our prayer for Jonah is that he will one day soon be cured of this excema and itch no more. I see each one as so different with their personality and traits and pray for all of them to grow to their fullest potential.
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