This week is a milestone week in the Givens home. Noah's birthday is Wednesday. My first baby boy will be nine years old. NINE! I can hardly believe it. He is so excited that he will be in his last single digit year. However, for me it is a little bittersweet. NINE....
I am a numbers person. Different combinations of numbers run in my mind all of the time. Strange I know, just add it to the growing list of strange things about me. So anyway when I hear nine I automatically think about 9+9=18. EIGHTEEN...the year my first baby boy will become a legal adult. My time as his legal guardian is half over. HALF OVER! That takes my breath away.
Where did it go? How can this be true? It seems as if just yesterday I was standing in the bathroom of our first home staring at a piece of plastic as a second pink line was gradually appearing and I realized that my life had changed forever. Now half of the time I am allotted to mold and shape him has gone.
In realizing that half of my time has slipped away I am plagued with the guilt that every parent has. Have I done enough? I think of all the times that I know I could have done more. Could have read one more story, splashed one more time in the bath, raced matchbox cars, said prayers, gave hugs, taught him more...I could go on and on. I look at Noah and wonder if I am doing it right, if he is going to turn out okay.
This has plagued me for about a week now, but today Noah gave me the best confirmation ever. See he asked for only one thing for Christmas. He wanted a blue pedal go-cart from Tractor Supply Company. Joe and I were able to purchase it for him and he has had the best time with that thing. I believe we got our money's worth of fun out of it on Christmas day. Everything else has just been a bonus. I have loved watching Noah enjoy his gift and seeing him light up when he is on it.
This evening Noah came into the house with tears streaming down his face. I asked him if he was hurt and he shook his head no. In between sobs he told me that he had decided to give his blue pedal go-cart to his brother Jonah. I didn't understand. When I asked him why, he looked at me with those sweet gentle eyes of his and said, "Mom, have you seen how much he loves it? He smiles so big when he rides it. As much as I love it, I think he loves it even more." I grabbed Noah and held on tight. Tears were streaming down my face at that moment too. It took a while for me to form a response. My sweet Noah was willing to give up something that he loved, even though it was tearing him up, just so someone else could be happy.
Yep, my Noah is going to turn out just fine....and the best part is that he still has nine more years to keep teaching me how to be just like him.
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