Today

Today
I should have gotten up before dawn;
but instead I slept in.

Today
I should have grabbed my pillow while Joe grabbed the packed bag;
but instead I packed the snacks and he picked up ice.

Today
I should have chattered anxiously all the way to the hospital;
but instead I chattered casually with my Mom as we walked to the beach.

Today
I should have been listening to the sounds of medical monitors;
but instead I listened to the waves crash into the shore.

Today
I should have been laying on an operating table in a sterile room;
but instead I was laying on a beach mat dusted with sand.

Today
I should have been teasing my husband about passing out on me;
but instead I thanked my husband for being my rock the past months.

Today
I should have held and kissed my number five for the first time;
but instead I held and kissed my other four for the millionth time.

Today
My heart should have been overflowing with love and joy;
......and it was.

I will forever grieve and miss the baby that I did not get a chance to hold;
but I will forever be grateful for the perspective that he brought into my life.

For as long as that ache of losing our baby is there;
so is the reminder that tomorrow is not promised. 

No matter what today should have been;
make it a day to love your family and friends.